Category Archives: Declarations of ego

Colorful expressions, part 2

More colorful expressions I need to say more often!  🙂

  1. I’ll eat my hat!   What an interesting choice of penitential meals.  How exactly, I’ve always wondered, are hats prepared?  Boiled in soup with carrots and potatoes?  Lightly sauteed with shallots?  Breaded and deep-fried with bacon?  Or perhaps over ice cream with hot fudge?
  2. Bejezus.  As in “Yikes!  You scared the bejezus out of me!”  Is this supposed to be a cleaned up or somehow less blasphemous variant of Jesus?  Well alright, if you and the Pope and Jerry Falwell all say it’s ok…
  3. Mortified.  I dunno, I just like this.  🙂  So shocked or speechless that it’s as if rigor mortis has suddenly set in?  Such an evocative term!  Color me mortified!
  4. Gewgaw.  Because “knick-knack” just doesn’t cut it anymore for cheap trinkets, souvenirs, and decorative… things.
  5. Chooglin’!  What does it mean?  Chooglin’ on down to New Orleans!  I read this entire very entertaining post on the Etymology of Chooglin’ but emerged even more confused.  I’m going with “nonsense rock verb”.  When someone asks me “how’s it going?” I might just say, “Just Chooglin’…”  🙂
  6. Jive-turkey:  They used to say this in the 70s.  Looking back it’s pretty clear now that this was one’s choice of expletive when one was still aware that one’s kids were in the back seat…   Chooglin’ jive-turkey!!
  7. Bat shit crazy.  Yeah.  Tell me again why fecal matter from the order of Chiroptera less ‘sane’ than the same from, say a bovine?
  8. Quit bustin’ my chops!  Can’t you just see Satchmo saying this?  I’m sure he did on several occasions.  So cool.
  9. Possum up a gum bush!  An expression of extreme surprise.  Remember the Dukes of Hazzard?  Remember Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane?  This is all I remember from this entire show.  But it’s sooo worth it.
  10. Sakes alive!  Sake:  noun.  Definition:  benefit, or gain.  Benefits alive!  Gains alive!  Huh?  Sakes alive!  It’s so cool because it’s so nonsensical.

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Colorful Expressions, part 1

There are some expressions so… colorful, that I am compelled to find opportunities to use them in my daily speech.  Of course that’s easier said than done.  Step 1 is remembering them when a good chance presents itself!  🙂  Anyway here are some things I need to fill the air with more:

  1. Heavens to Mergatroid!  I mean, heavens to Mergatroid!  Mergatroid!  Not just Jupiter, not even Vulcan — Mergatroid!  The awesomeness of this expression speaks for itself.
  2. My dogs are barkin’.  As in ‘my feet are tired’.  What exhausted hooves has to do with excited or alarmed canines is beyond me, but saying this is worth it just for the looks you might get.
  3. Yes sir-ee Bob!  Just fun to say.  Oddly enough, at this time in my life the one person I’m ever likely to seriously say ‘yes sir’ to is actually named Bob.
  4. Tomorrow is another day.  Actually this is one I need to not say more.  How people can interpret this as an inspiration never ceases to amaze me.  It’s a simple statement of fact.  Tomorrow is another day.  So was yesterday.  And Tuesday 3 weeks ago was too.  When has tomorrow ever failed to be another day?  Tomorrows it seems are especially good at this.  So how does stating a simple self-evident fact serve as inspiration?  Pointing out the obvious does not mean that tomorrow will be better — it could easily be worse, yeah?  Ok, the obvious implication that I’ve so far ignored is that being another day, tomorrow presents another chance not to fuck up what you fucked up today.   But I mean, DUH!!  This has got to be among the dumbest things people say (not you of course — you’re smart, intelligent, and sophisticated.  Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this blog.  Seriously).
  5. Ye gods and little fishes!  Yes indeed, the vast, mighty deities that control the forces of nature and the fates of our very lives, and the little minnows too.  Don’t forget the minnows!  Minnows could be a metaphor for the ineffectual and not very filling for dinner.  Whoever came up with this one was truly inspired.
  6. Go piss up a rope.  One of my dad’s favorite expressions…  Such an image!
  7. Lower than whale shit.  Another of my dad’s favorites.  You really just can’t get much lower than this.
  8. Widdershins.  Had to look this one up when I first ran across it.  It means ‘turning counter-clockwise’, or moving ‘in a direction contrary to the apparent course of the sun’… so, west to east?  In the sense that either is so horribly wrong that it gives you the willies.  Widdershins!  It’s the new creepifying!
  9. Spanghew.  This means to throw or toss, or more literally to catapult a frog with a stick… which was apparently a Scottish diversion in days gone by.  One thing for sure, never again will I merely ‘throw’ something, but I will spanghew it to ya!
  10. Fun with a capital PH!  Yep.  Just PHun to say!

So I guess you’re probably ready to see some more paintings huh?  It’s been a while, I know.  Well, I have a few in the works, but none are finished yet…  I may get a few finished to post next week.  You may have noticed to the right that I combined my ‘in progress’ and ‘stalled’ categories into ‘Works in progress’.  Taking a cue from the fact that sbmacinnis has a stack of works in progress 400 paintings deep…  I didn’t feel so bad anymore that the 9 or so paintings I used to call ‘stalled’ have not been worked on for months and months, and are likely abandoned.  I mentally put them in with the ones I’m actively working on and just called it all ‘in progress’.   They’re well and thoroughly neglected today, but now I see the possibility that someday I may pick them up again and perhaps finish them a different way from what I originally had in mind and got so tired of…  In other words — ye gods and little fishes — I lightened up, which seems completely appropriate for something I keep saying I’m just doing for the fun of it.  🙂

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I’m going for two thirds…

“We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.”

– Arthur Schopenhauer

 

I hope to work my way down to 2/3…  Someday…  🙂

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